i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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