check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
