Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
