toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I faked an abortion last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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