What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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