I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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