loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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