none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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