She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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