I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
