I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
