Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
