tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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