i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
