highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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