I can tuck mytits in my pants
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sarcasm needs its own font
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
