is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
