He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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