remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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