Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
