Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize