Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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