I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
