One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
