like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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