dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
