I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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