if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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