There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
