Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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