ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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