They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
