His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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