oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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