I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
