If that was your dad, he is hot
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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