Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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