is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
