You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
