It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
