There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
