He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
