shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
