I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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