I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
