I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
