dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
