i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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