By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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