So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
