Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
