I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
