So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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