Someone shit on the floor
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
