It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
