I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
