So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
