Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
