Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I still have a little drunk in my system
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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