The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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