why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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