I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
