just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
