what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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