The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were destined to go to rehab together
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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