i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
