mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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