She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
