I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
