I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Two words: blizzard sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
